It's Not Just a Word
by Hikaru Morinaga
Summary: But you want it in words, Heero thought. I want it in words. That validation, that confirmation. But for a while I wasn't sure what words to use, and using 'I love you' feels so cheap to me... Heero uses a word Duo's never heard before that means much more than a simple 'I love you' ever could. At least to Heero. 1x2. Post series. One shot. Written for elle.writes.


**It's Not Just a Word**

Heero was typing away on his computer, the drafting lamp on the desk the only source of illumination in the room aside from the monitor backlight. He heard the front door close and what sounded like a faint yawn in addition to the noise of jingling keys. Heavily booted footsteps on the hardwood of the simplistic, sparsely decorated house with its mismatched furniture Heero and Duo'd bought shortly after finding out they were expecting approached the catchall computer room, stopping in the doorway.

"Hey," Duo said, his voice soft, just barely above a whisper to avoid carrying it down the hall and disturbing the kids. Heero swiveled his chair and gave Duo something that closely resembled a very tired smile.

"Where's everyone?" Duo asked, entering the room now. He looked around, with a look Heero regarded as one expecting change, for there to be something different about the room. Maybe he'd expected there to be more work piled up on the desk.

"Sleeping."

Duo nodded, satisfaction in his eyes as he bent over to kiss him. "How'd that go? Putting 'em to bed, I mean."

Heero cocked his head to the side slightly, closing his eyes briefly as he recounted his experience. "Eden fussed a bit when she saw Daddy wasn't the one tucking her in her crib, but DJ went out as soon as I put him down. Adie fell asleep pretty early—I had to carry her to her room." He said this with the demeanor of someone giving an official report to their superior officer.

"Good." Duo leaned against the desk edge. "Twins're sleepin' through the nigh', finally." He looked at his watch. Three in the morning. His eyes fell on the baby monitor on the desk right next to the computer speaker—no noise came from it. At least, nothing that resembled crying. He could hear their breathing and an occasional grunt.

"You waited up for me?"

Heero nodded, figuring the dark circles under his eyes would be a dead giveaway. Duo caressed Heero's cheek with his knuckles as he gave a light chuckle, his eyes darker than usual—Duo looked just as tired as Heero felt. "Didn' have to, ya know. Papa needs his sleep too."

Heero shook his head, gesturing to the minute stack of paperwork left on his desk. "It's fine. I had work to do anyway." Heero backed away from the computer desk and stifled a yawn. He had no plans to finish this assignment tonight.

"I got good news fer ya," Duo said, grinning now. With that type of grin, Heero knew it was better than good—it was great. Heero dipped his head and raised an eyebrow.

_Don't leave me hanging._

"Une gave me the promotion," Duo said, as he played with the end of his braid. "Gives me nights and weekends off. Means I'll be home more, so you'll only have the kids during the day."

Heero could feel the excitement rolling off of Duo in waves, but this did nothing to help keep his eyes open. "That'll be a help. Trying to focus on this and keep an eye on a couple of eighteen month olds isn't as easy as those parenting books say." That wasn't even including his two year old daughter from his previous marriage, but Adie wasn't much of a handful.

Which reminded him. He needed to shoot Milliardo an email later. He jotted it down on the corner of the report notes he still had to type and send off to Une.

Duo pulled Heero up from his chair, away from his work. "C'mon. Let's go to _bed_." As soon as Heero was in his arms, he kissed his forehead. "Even workaholics like you deserve some sleep, yeah? I'll carry ya if I gotta."

Duo led him to the room next door, where their sparsely decorated bedroom was located—aside from the bed, there was a small closet, a small dresser, and a chair right next to it in the corner that was only there because Heero had nowhere else to place it. He sat Heero down on the bed before sliding off his Preventers jacket and setting it on the back of the unused wooden chair. Heero watched him pull off his tank top and throw it in the corner, missing the laundry hamper—Heero was never sure if he did that on purpose or not. He removed his personal effects from his pockets before removing the belt and throwing his pants to join his shirt. The belt he just dropped on the floor by the chair. Heero'd been dressed for sleep for the past three days and had only gotten maybe two hours total in that time. There was no time to find clean clothes and he wasn't so bad off he needed Duo to dress him.

Though he was pretty certain Duo would take great enjoyment in such a thing.

"Should I bother wearing anything to bed tonight?" Duo asked, as he rummaged through a drawer of what Duo considered "sleepwear" and Heero considered "rags". Heero shrugged and, when he realized Duo didn't see, said, "Wear what you want." He wasn't dressing Duo for bed. Duo settled on an old oversized tee shirt and pajama bottoms with a fraying waistband before climbing into bed behind him. Duo wrapped his arms around Heero's torso and pulled him back to join him, back pressed against Duo's chest, mouth to Heero's exposed shoulder, bottom lip tracing the scar there. Lately Heero'd been wearing either really oversized shirts that'd slip off of one shoulder, or tank tops that would probably be considered obscene in public establishments. Whatever he could grab. It wasn't like he was leaving the house any time soon, or had anyone to impress.

After all, these past few months Heero'd been more "Papa dearest" than "Heero Yuy, ex-Gundam pilot and current Preventers field agent". And if someone ever asked him if he liked it that way, he'd tell them, in all honesty, that he did.

"I miss seein' you at work," Duo murmured, threading his fingers with Heero's. "The office is kinda empty, and the pictures on my desk aren't very good substitutes." He kissed Heero's neck. "But I ain't sure when you'll be coming back. Y'might end up jus'…workin' from here."

Heero studied their twined fingers, how right it felt for them to be like this. "I know."

"I know yer probably hatin' bein' cooped up like this, but…"

Heero shook his head. "I don't mind it. I said we'd have to make sacrifices for our kids."

Duo sighed. "Yeah, I know." Heero could tell Duo still felt guilty.

"…I get more work done from home than I do in the office anyway. Besides, this was my choice." Given the choice to be normal for once, to just be a father and husband. He'd never experienced "normal" before, had no idea what it was like. It wasn't fast paced like his work, and it wasn't as dangerous as everything else up to this point had been. There were no demands, no expectations. All his kids expected of him was, well, him. It was something he was still getting used to, three and a half years later almost.

Duo sighed, pulling Heero under the sheets before turning out the light. "I know, and I figured as much. Our kids are lucky to have what they do."

_Our kids are lucky to have parents who love them_, Heero thought. _Parents who are there for them._

Heero shifted so he was on his side, his fingers loosening from Duo's and instead going to his braid. "You're not going to brush it out and rebraid it for bed tonight?"

Duo yawned. "Kinda tired…"

Heero could tell just how tired he was by the thickening of his accent. His fingers pulled at the hair tie. "I'll do it then." He couldn't braid hair as well as Duo could, but it was enough for sleep purposes, anyway. His fingers undid the braid before brushing through the silky strands. Heero knew that if it were anyone else, Duo would've said no. Perhaps not even that politely. But Heero was an exception, and that aside, Heero absolutely loved his hair. Carefully, he weaved Duo's hair into the looser braid he often wore to bed and tied it off halfway down.

"Love ya so much, 'Ro," Duo mumbled, as he kept Heero close. "I wan' ya t'know that…"

Heero kept his fingers in the loose hair fanned over Duo's torso.

"I know you'll prob'ly never say it back…but tha's okay. I don' need ya to put things in words. I know ya do 'cause yer here, yknow?"

Heero kissed Duo's jaw before fixing the covers.

_But you want it in words,_ Heero thought. _**I**__ want it in words. That validation, that confirmation. But for a while I wasn't sure what words to use, and using 'I love you' feels so cheap to me…_

"Koishiteru, Duo," he said softly.

"'Koishiteru'?" Duo's tongue tripped over the syllables. "Wazzat mean?"

Heero gave a small smile as he twirled Duo's hair around two of his fingers. "That's me putting a word to how much I love you."

Duo, who'd been drifting off, if his half-closed eyes were any indication, was suddenly alert at that.

"Japanese language has three ways of saying 'I love you' and they all mean different things," Heero explained. "The one I used is what you say to someone when you know you're going to spend forever with them."

Duo said nothing, just stroked Heero's hair with his hand.

"You don't say 'koishiteru' if you don't mean it." He continued toying with Duo's braid, not meeting Duo's eyes. "It's not a word you throw around."

_So when I say 'I love you'_, Heero thought, as he buried his face in Duo's chest, inhaling Duo's unique scent that only he could detect, _I'm not just saying words. I actually mean it._


End file.
